The next day, at breakfast, everyone avoids my gaze. Blaise gives me a kiss like every morning. The boys try to remain normal. They are certainly asking themselves questions. Mélia is cheerful and as usual. I didn't need to tell her any more. She knows that Papinou and then Richard taught me things that she shouldn't know. I am her twin. Her double. I love her. That's what she cares about.

The guys are good. They don't talk to me about the day before. Damien and the teacher whisper to me that if I want to talk, they will always be there. I shake my head. That's nice, not being emotional is one of the things I've learned. I continue to do my daily chores as if nothing had happened.

A two-week ellipse.

The boys finally seem to realize my shooting and knife throwing skills when I'm training or when we go hunting. They look at me differently now, though they don't say anything. I'm not the little girl they once knew. I grew up very quickly with the circumstances. I have hardened to a degree they can't even imagine. Papinou had laid the foundations though, I was still a child. Richard made me a seasoned soldier. Protecting Mélia alone turned me into a war machine.

The forest and fields were reclaimed by birds and rabbits. To avoid overpopulation, which would be harmful to the crops, and to eat too, I hunt. I also poach. I also find many squirrels. The small animals seem to have survived, those that run or fly fast and reproduce a lot. Especially those that are herbivores, frugivores or insectivores at the base. I have the impression that I have eradicated the rats in a radius of twenty-five kilometres around the farmhouse.

During my hunts, I found three swarms of bees, which I carefully collected each time. Mélia tries to keep the swarms in a hive to produce honey. Damien is often with me when I hunt. He has seen a few male boars, females with young, the lions with the young, healthy ones. For the time being, we don't kill them. It is important that they reproduce and can provide us with meat later on.

One evening, Blaise comes to take me in his arms. I like his touch. He asks me what I would have done if he had been infected. I look him straight in the eyes with sadness and stroke his cheek. He understands without a word. Melia, next door, says that if she were the one infected, I would not hesitate. I would kill her with a bullet between the eyes, even though I adore her, even though she is half of me.

What looks cold and cruel is actually an act of kindness. I would kill her before she suffers the transformation, loses her humanity or eats human. I would kill her so that she doesn't contaminate someone else, so that she doesn't hurt someone she loves. I would kill her so she wouldn't become a monster. Out of compassion, out of love, to save others, to remember her as a human being forever.

Blaise kisses me. He is not shocked, just surprised at my mental strength. He is proud of me. I am doing what it takes to save as many as possible. He hugs me. I am still his friend, even though I am capable of acting coldly. In a military and logical way. My head is always ready for battle. Damien compliments me to my great surprise. To him I am precious. I am the most important one in the group. Thibaut and Alex join him in his awkward words. They want to say that I am a main asset in their hope of survival. My friends give me a hug. Mélia joins them. Their outpourings do me a world of good.

We have to go back to our traps. Again, Blaise, Damien and I, and two others. The traps are empty. The one where I threw the corpses is unharmed. My two friends recognise the men. They count them with one eye. They answer discreetly to the other two guys so as not to embarrass me nevertheless, I saw them. I assume my act. Impassive, I indicate where the other two vehicles are and call back the equipment we came to get. Blaise grabs me and kisses my forehead, saying thank you.

The two guys go back to the farmhouse. I finish the tour with Damien and Blaise. We enter the light danger zone. Between fifty and one hundred and fifty kilometres around the farmhouse. Not much to pick up. The situation is stable. When we pass the light danger zone to reach the medium risk, we are on our guard. The traps get fuller and fuller as we move away with more humanoids in proportion. My friends see me ignite the pits and throw poisonous meat without the slightest emotion.

I can see by their surprised looks that they realise I am not the girl they once knew. In fact, I never really was. I have made efforts to socialise with Melia. I've always been reclusive and reactive. I've just learned better to manage my emotions, to control them so that they don't block me, but push me, to think of the common good and the survival of the many. I am still looking for a remedy or a solution. My meagre knowledge of biology is stagnating.

As I pour the petrol into a pit, a creature outside rushes at me. We didn't see it coming. I barely have time to dodge it. I don't have a gun at this point, just a knife. Damien is afraid to shoot and hurt me. I start the fight by shouting at the guys to get in the car. Others can come, they have to take cover. I am quick. The creature does not touch me. I manage to bring it to its knees and grab its hair. I slit its throat, and then take it down until I decapitate it. Then I throw the head and body into the inferno with my foot. Without mercy.

I come back to the car. I check my arms and face. I get into the back of the pick-up. I tell the boys to run home. As they drive, I inspect myself from head to toe with a small mirror for my back. I light the torch and bring my bloody hands as close to the flame as possible, almost burning myself. I boil the creature's blood on my hands despite the pain. The boys look at me in the rear-view mirror, not to ogle me, but out of concern. I am calm and methodical. Back in the car, I order the others to stay away. I head for the shower. After washing, I get out with a bag containing my clothes and burn them. Melia comes to my room to check me. I have no injuries.

For safety's sake, I give my weapons to Mélia who hides them. She carries out the eye check every day. I ask Damien to point the gun at my head at each examination. He and Mélia are the only ones who can mentally bear to shoot me if I am infected. With extreme rigour, I self-post by drawing random questions from the game of Trivial Pursuit. I put on a walkman with the music on loud and run through the obstacle course every morning. Thibaut, who sees me doing it, kisses my forehead and gives me a bottle of water at the end of each daily run. Mélia locks me in a room in the infirmary every night. Blaise sleeps in the next room in case I need anything at night.

After a fortnight, Mélia makes me take the disco test, so that I don't know the answers and have to think, the teacher asks me questions about maths and general knowledge, and logic too. I am healthy. Only I showed a lack of control. I got caught out and I feel terrible about it. I am therefore redoubling my vigilance.

Even though I am healthy, I keep my distance from my friends. I isolate myself as I did at the beginning of my schooling. They respect my need for solitude. I need time to digest having killed seven men almost in cold blood, to have lashed out at a creature to the point of decapitating it with a knife. I feel like an abnormal again.

In fact, Mélia knows that this is not what's bothering me. It's Blaise's question. It's my ability to be able to kill the ones I love if I had to. Just like I killed every member of the survivalist team and a ten year old girl. The same way I shot Richard. The day they lost their humanity. Being able to do that to survive doesn't mean you don't feel anything. I don't have any remorse. I just sometimes find it hard to accept that I am a cold, rational killer.

One evening when I'm alone outside looking at the stars, Damien comes and sits next to me. He puts a blanket on my shoulders and leaves his arm there. I let myself go. Gently, he pulls me against him and lies me down beside him. My head on his chest. His arms around me. I feel good.

- Megan? If one day this all ends and we can go back to normal life... Will you accept that we're still friends? I was a jerk before. You're a great girl. Boring but great. I'm proud to be your friend today.

I shake my head, unable to speak. Then, again, I fall asleep against him and wake up the next morning in my bed.