Well, they cleaned up my town - and it needed a scrub -
We'd been saying what had to be done, us, for years;
We'd've done it ourselves (a good crowd, down the pub)
But, "Last Orders!" kills so many cracking ideas.

Cyclists - that's where I'd've started -
Teach 'em not to run the lights;
Others (maybe more soft-hearted)
Reckoned, in-laws - second, tights.

He had gleaming white teeth, did the company veep,
And he promised results - said his troops never shirked;
If we gave them the contract, they'd show us a sweep
Like we'd not seen before, and they'd sing while they worked:

"We saluted, when recruited,
Full of vigour, vim, and verve,
Well-equipped and suited, booted,
Ready to protect, and serve!"

It was dawn - so far, no-one had flailed through the fog
Round the beds on the teevee reality shows -
When they showed up with tanks, and a shot for the dog,
And sequestered our water, to power their hose.

"Students, stoners, kids with flash cash,
Squeegee-merchants, buskers - Pow!
White trash, black trash, sleeping-in-a-sack trash -
We'll be doing the sponging now!"

Well, of course, some went down to the office to shout,
And were smartly brushed off when they tried to complain;
So they marched, till the rods, prods, and plungers came out,
And they found themselves goosed, juiced, and sluiced down the drain.

"Losers, swayback runts from way back,
Single parents, migrants, tramps -
Peasants, peons, here's the payback -
Think of these as welfare stamps!"

They declared, the dirt came from behind our front doors -
Dirty looks, dirty books, dirty thoughts, dirty skin,
Dirty girls, dirty boys, dirty paws, dirty whores -
All got picked up like toys, put away in the bin.

"Sick, and got no home to go to?
Our new order, our New Broom:
The medicine you need is (no two
Ways) a private-prison room.

Gleaners, dreamers, juicers, junkies,
Has-beens, drag-queens, deaf-and-dumb -
We'll containerise those monkeys -
What did they expect, the scum?"

Well, it's quiet, my town, now, all empty and new,
Sanitised for the clients with faces that fit;
And there's no chance that rubbish could ruin the view...
The designers made sure that there's nowhere to sit.